I woke up this morning, well actually afternoon, since i just woke up half hour ago, at 1 pm which it is now 1:24, thinking it was gonna be an alright day, that i was gonna chill and not be stressed until my exam at 4:30, once that is done, there are no more exams tilll next term. But then, all my emotions just exploded. And i lost it in front of my parents which i don't like doing because i doon't like them knowing how i feel. I started screaming at them in frustration to myself, which i didn't mean to offend them, then my mom just started saying stuff that bothered me and out of frustration i raised my voice towards her, and i just was so frustrated with myself,feeling like i can't handle all of this stress that comes with university. Also my dad hit a low blow on me. When i said this was stressful, he said to me "Well then you might as well just drop out cuz this is what university is all about! Then if you drop out you will be working at robins for the rest of your life like ur friends." That just frustrated me more because i KNOW i can do this i just don't feel like it right now! I know they just want whats best for their daughter and don't wanna see her fail, cuz they know what that will do to me. It is just when a fight starts over me or something i said it makes me mad! My mom always gets mad easily or hurt easily cuz of her illness. She ended up saying after i screamed at her in frustration " I am out of here," then looked at me and said really meanly " YOU MIGHT AS WELL STICK WITH DAD YOU GUYS ARE A TEAM ANYWAY!" Then that just frustrated my dad. Like ugh.... really. My dad even told her she should just leave, take her bird,attitude and leave. They have been separated many times since i was born. I am always scared of it happening.
I finally have been feeling our family is coming back together. Doing stuff as a family, and getting excited for Christmas,but then this happened at it just ruined that picture for me. Cuz now the rest of the day is ruined because my dad is gonna be in a horrible mood and won't talk to my mom for the rest of the day, and my mom is probably in her room crying right now. ! UGH! I don't know what to do.
This is the type of stuff i wish my brother was here for. If he was here he woulda jumped in between and calmed the whole situation down. Well at least i like to think so anyway.
I just want this next week and a half to go by, just to be done with this month, it has been a horrible month!!! Except for going to Calgary and seeing a close close friend whom i had so much fun with. But somehow family drama always seems to follow me anywhere i go.
I love my family i really do, but this stuff just bothers me. I hope someday i will have something awesome to write about in a blog instead of it being all depressing like the last 2 i have written... <3
" SO take me as you find me all my fears and failures, fill my life again! I give my life to follow,everything i believe in now i surrender! Savior he can move the mountains, my GOD is MIGHTY TO SAVE HE IS MIGHTY TO SAVE! FOREVER AUTHOR OF SALVATION HE ROSE AND CONQUERED THE GRAVE!!"
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